videorb

I've been trying to sell my deluxe VHS copy of The Phantom Menace on eBay for nearly a month now. I just posted the item for a fourth time (each time costs me a quarter). This time, as part of the listing, I included an original screenplay starring the winning bidder. And if that doesn't work, I'll try something even gimmickier . . . so stay tuned!

I am staring at a tall, frosty glass of peanut butter and cranberry soda.

First, some background information: By the age of ten, I was an acclaimed experimental chef. My peanut butter and Dorito sandwiches were legendary, and kids from across the neighborhood thrilled at my peanut butter carrot sticks (with Kool-Aid powder sprinkled on top), sometimes against their will. Everyone wanted to know how I did it. What secret ingredient infuses your creations with such an irresistibly creamy, crunchy, nutty taste? the children would demand in unison, between mouthfuls of peanut-butter-and-flour-and-sugar-globs. I never told (and I never will.)